The Other Guys – college canteen menu

“I got slapped by him in my 1st year. It was an honour.”   -Chettinad Pizza

On the first day of college every student goes through an event. The outcome of the event more or less decides where one is going to end up in the college food chain. A person maybe asked a simple question “What’s your name?.” To which that person might answer “My name is M. Jayaraman.” At this stage the guy/girl who asked the question may say “Don’t you have a father? What’s with the M” The reaction to THIS question determines the fate of that student mentioned above. The majority would react with  “Sorry na. My father’s name is…” and rush back to this batch mates to excitedly giggle “dai machi.. i met that senior da. What a cool guy he was….” There also happens to be a minority which would say “It’s Muthuraman”, smile like an ignorant idiot and walk off thinking “oh, ivar baniyan size thaan 42 va..” This post is dedicated to that minority, the Other Guys.

From what I’ve seen, every college ragging sessions consists of the following food types:-

Aglio Olio Spaghetti p(a/i)sta: These are the untouchables. The ones who dictate the law of the batch, create the lingo that others need to adopt religiously, rate the girls etc. They also take centerstage at the ragging sessions. Remember when you were laughed at for being fat/thin/tall/short/dark/bright. It’s mostly due to these pastards. The only problem is, once you spend enough time with them you realize they are just usipona idiyaappam with a bit of garlic and tomato thrown for seasoning. They usually copy their gig from goundamani or this guy I remember meeting one of these almighty idiot overlords in my first year. He approached a group of us. The group started whispering, “machi this is X da. He’s cool and he is intelligent (academically). Beat that.” He yelled “I am drunk. I need to piss. Someone accompany me.” The boys jumped up and down with their hands up. He selected one and they walked off in the sunset towards the toilet. The guy being introduced in this video is them.

Chettinad Pizza: These are the toilet buddies. After years of trying to watch “Hot Hotter Hottest” in SS Music secretly these guys finally come into their prime at college.  They consider it a privilege to be surrounded by the pastas. In any group they try to blend in without revealing their flavour. But the chettinad aroma is not so easily disguised and they end up being neither the Italian delicacy nor the Naatu rusi saappadu but rather the maida leftover from kaiendhi bhavan. They are of the intention (honest) that the only way to meet and make friends with the juniors is through ragging. They also believe that juniors will respect them if they can act all mean and make bad jokes. They realize that goundamani is cool only during their college years. In a ragging session the person asking and laughing at obvious observations of life is usually this hybrid mess. “Your name is M. Jayaraman and your father’s name is J Muthuraman! HAHAHAHAHA. machan enga paaru da…..” “Why are you so skinny? hahahahahaha. machi enga paaru da…” “I got slapped by him (pasta) in my 1st year. It’s an honour.” and so on and so forth. If this food is spotted prevention is the best remedy. Run away from it as fast as you can. The muniammas who cant quite realize whether he is superman or spiderman here is them.

Kuchi Ice: Aah. The romantic ones! What would we be without them. After watching too many romantic movies starring the likes of SRK, Murali, Gemini Ganeshan and “Vennir Aadai” Srikanth they have the epiphany that girls can only be corrected at ragging sessions. I mean, its a buffet of girls out there. Why not try to grab one while its still available. So they end up in the ragging sessions in their best attire acting cho chweet. They dont think they like you but they are afraid this might happen eventually. These cute chaps will rag you but not quite rag you. But there is a God in this world and so even though they dont quite find their Cornetto they still walk back with a relatively fresh Kwality Walls Cup Ice with them. This song is dedicated all these ice cream couples.

Idli: These are the bland ones. When asked to tell a joke in the ragging sessions they will tell the boring ones (An english word with 1 G and 4 Ts: originality), have non-noticeable names (Sankar Venkatesan, Vani Ganapathy etc) and look just plain bored with the whole ragging ordeal. If left on their own they will attach to the nearby idli and start discussing movies, games, figures and potential subjects that impact MS application. They actually hate the people who are ragging them (Gasp) “Yes you bitch. I am looking at you. Why dont you stop laughing at me and go do something useful in life. You could come to vayasu for a start.”, “Very clever asshole. Now that you’ve realized I am skinny why not use your supercomputer brain and deduce that I wear thick glasses” But they usually keep  such pleasant thoughts to themselves. Warning: Don’t underestimate the idli due to its outwardly white as milk appearance.

“Thambi Tea ennum varala.”

Disclaimer: In the eyes of boys all girls fall under exactly and approximately 2 food types: Fruits and Desserts. We’ll leave it at that.


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7 Responses to The Other Guys – college canteen menu

  1. Me says:

    Thalaiva.. best post yet.. beauty .. I like how u stick to roots and finish off with idly as the intellectually superior one..

  2. Me2 says:

    2 categories summarized in one lame Vijay intro.
    Now, that was classy!

  3. Vijay says:

    T, nasthy article. You turned what would otherwise be a rant into a ridiculously funny article with all the metaphors.

    Btw, minor typo in idli: “.. But they usually keep such pleasant thought(s) to themselves”.

  4. achyuthan says:


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