Director: Pass me the cigarette.
Asst Director: Here it is sir. You sound vexed sir.
Dir: I am angry at the society.
Asst Dir: Why sir?
Dir: Nobody recognizes me on the road when my car passes by. I can walk in the middle of Times Square on Christmas eve and people won’t even give a second glance towards me.
Asst Dir: Sir…., you make Tamil films.
Dir: Er..I meant Ranganthan Street during Pongal.
Asst Dir: What do you propose we do sir?
Dir: I don’t know. Any suggestions.
Asst Dir: Er…
Dir: Right, so here’s what we’ll do. I’ll suggest a subject and you tell me whether we can bash it.
Asst Dir: Right sir. (takes out a note and a pen.)
Dir: Let’s start with the obvious. I hate western culture so how about “all Women are sluts except the ones the hero likes?”
Asst Dir: No sir that movie came out 5-6 years ago.
Dir: How about “ALL city-bred folks (except the hero of course) are arrogant, rich and drunk stoners who prey on the weak and the poor?”
Asst Dir: No sir one film just released on that topic.
Dir: Damn, it. How about “all villagers are raw, uncouth illiterates who only think of women, booze and the sickle (of course, the protagonists have a heart of gold)?”
Asst Dir: Sir (Sigh.. I miss Cheran), I believe Paruthiveeran and its proteges have that area covered sir. But what “realism” in those movies sir. Simply awesome.
Dir: STOP praising other movies. You’re MY assistant.
Asst Dir: Right sir. (thinks of the mechanical engineering job he quit to get here.)
Dir: Hmm. how about “the plight of poor people who move from the villages to the evil city?”
Asst Dir: No sir, a movie on that topic released early this year. Very realistic movie about poor people sir. It only earned about 25 crores sir.
Dir: The English speaking IT crowd?
Asst Dir: No sir ‘Learnt Tamizh’ flopped. No one in the town areas was interested in buying the film. The only people who ended up seeing it were the English speaking crowd in the city multiplexes. They later blogged about how great the movie was.
Dir: Sigh. Dangers of Religion and advantages of atheism?
Asst Dir: LOL. sir, you’re working in the tamil film industry.
Dir: Poverty porn?
Asst Dir: Only if directed by a foreigner sir.
Asst Dir: That phrase has been patented by Hollywood sir.
Dir. Shabba…..seri da. Write down this story. A girl…..
Asst Dir: Sir, shouldn’t I call the script writer?
Dir: Have you read Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s “Anna Karenina”?
Asst Dir: Er…no sir..however I think that was …..
Dir: Then shut up and write this down. A girl is raped in the middle of Mount Road in Chennai…literally…on a sunday afternoon by an auto driver. Some rich guys capture this on their cell phones and circulate it on the Internet. The average people in the traffic are not concerned and continue driving when the green signal comes. The girl is killed when one of the oncoming vehicle hits her and splits her body into two pieces.
Asst Dir. Right sir.
Dir: Add a blind brother who is then sold to the organ trafficking mafia.
Asst Dir: Sir… who are we bashing in this sir?
Dir: EVERYONE. EVERY CITIZEN. I HATE THIS SOCIETY’s APATHY TOWARDS ME!!
Asst Dir: Sir?
Dir: I mean…the apathy towards young raped dismembered females and their blind brothers.
Asst Dir: Good story sir.
Dir: Right, this will be the most “realistic film ever made.” Now call the producer and ask him to meet me at the Park Sheraton hotel. We need to discuss the budget.
Asst Dir: Right sir.