We raided the room of a 12th standard boy. We were acting under the instructions of Valayapathi who resides in a small town near Keeranur called Voyeur. During the inspection we found 3 items of interest. These are :-
Exhibit A: Signed copy of the bestseller, “How to hang around in a shopping mall, not shop and not look perverted.”
Exhibit B: CD containing a film titled “The Girl Who Locks.”
Exhibit C: The Letter (undelivered)
On orders from Valayapathi, the contents of Exhibit C will now be made public to the other residents of Voyeur.
Warning: Language may be abusive.
Dear XXXXXXXXX sir, (Name withheld on request from Mr. Palanivel)
How are you? How is your cane? Has it been sharpened properly? I’ve noticed that it is covered with rubber bands. I think it must bring you good luck. Considering that you’ve yet to beaten up by a student, I would say it brings you so much good luck that even a Josiyar would be astonished. Don’t think for one minute that we haven’t considered the option of taking the physical route. We are resilient by force not by choice. You may not know me; I am one of those 100s of students who you reprimand for not wearing the shirt correctly, who you scream at if they are found talking to a girl inside the school and who you snidely mock if they are unable to jump across the hurdles during the hurdle runs. So let’s get down to business here. Firstly let’s get to the issue of your job. I hate to break this to you, but its not a job. Carrying a kuchi and walking across corridors while giving an imposing look is not a job. My grandmother could do it. In fact, she actually does that job every month when she has to guard the appalams in the motta maadi from the crows. Speaking of which, you ever wondered why the corridors are empty when you walk between them? IT’S BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE. There is a reason the PT period comes only once or twice in a week. It’s because the guy who designed the timetable knew that we have an incompetent idiot for a PT sir.
You have the audacity to talk about discipline during these periods while you ogle at that girl from 12 D. Ya, don’t think we don’t know. In fact even the girl knows. Pray that she has the decency to tolerate you. It’s because of you she is stapling her dupatta to the uniform these days! (Moral Outrage or Dissapointment? We’re not sure of the boy’s intention ourselves)You laugh at the people who don’t take part in the Sports day. It’s because we’d rather attend extra Geography classes than train for sports for under you. The annual day is your big day. You feel like a military general enforcing law and order among the soldiers. You yell at people who move around during the performances. You check and approve that our colour dress is appropriate for the event. Once again you walk around with that cane in your hand grunting now and then. Have you ever heard the story of the korangu which wrongfully entered a business conference? The people at the conference didn’t bother to notice it because they knew that giving heed to a monkey would only disrupt their work. So the monkey, thinking that it was in the correct place, went about grunting, and scratching all over the place. Quite a story eh?
Why do you think, in-spite of all this, we remain silent? It’s because we have an exam to write and places to go. You see, unlike you, people progress in life. Guarding appalams can only take your career so far. But don’t think we’ll tolerate your shenanigans beyond a certain level. Remember Elango! (Elango was the Botany teacher who slapped Murugesan, another 12th standard boy, for not drawing the cross section of diplococchus Mitochondria correctly. One night, when he was sitting in the tea kadai, a bunch of boys ganged up on him, covered his body in a blanket and …took care of him.) In conclusion sir, don’t fuck with us.
End of Exhibit C. Codename: Fatboy Confessions.